Moving from Relation-ships... to Love-ships, Heart-ships, Joy-ships...

Ok, so again this morning, I was greeted with a message of another breakup, breakdown, split, in what had been up until recently a fairly ok relationship. Let's back up a minute...

It all started a few weeks ago when one of my clients wrote regarding the sudden end to her relationship, then another one wrote, and another and yet another. I felt strongly that I needed to write a bit about what is going on, but found myself in the midst of the shifting sands re-evaluating, re-negotiating, re-defining my own soul partnership. It has at times been messy, but we are still here. 

We are still in this thing together. What I will say though, is that from our perfectly arranged beginning of our being together, we have felt guided by a commitment bigger, higher, and somehow beyond our human individuated ego forms. We have been committed to JOY as a family. That commitment has been the guiding force and the litmus test for every seemingly minor decision as well as the BIG ones. "Is this taking us closer to joy, or away from it?" "Does this choice strengthen or weaken US as a whole?" "Are we growing or contracting as a result of this direction we are currently moving in?"

It has made for a LOT of discussion, as we are all still healing... my belief is if you are breathing you are still healing. But what exactly are we healing? Some days it feels like we are trying to heal the world through our particular dance with each other... Not saying that is what we are ATTEMPTING to do... it feels like that is the amount of pressure and responsibility we feel... and it can look really messy. But I am certain from a higher perspective it is a beautiful mess. But most days... most days like today, it feels like we are healing our own misunderstandings about who we are and why we are here. 

I feel in fact that this is a little microcosm of what is playing out on a much wider scale energetically. I have written about the Divine Masculine/Divine Feminine previously, and feel there is a massive shift that we have found ourselves in the midst of. 

We have been ruled and conditioned by the victim/bully/rescuer cycle. We have played out the fear/lack consciousness as far as it will go. The relationships that we have built over the last several hundred to a couple thousand years have been based on need. Need to be loved, need to be protected, need to be provided for, need, need... NEED. They have been based on the premise that who we are is not enough. Not good enough, not strong enough, not smart enough, not capable enough. We have been conditioned to believe that we must always be in search of someone or something outside of us to fulfill us, to save us, to make us happy, to keep us alive. We have been conditioned to believe that others exist in order to sustain our lives, our worth, our purpose, to make us valid in a world that has strict definitions of success, worth and value. 

However, in the last several years, 20-50... something dramatic has taken place.  People everywhere, regardless of sex, race, socio-economic status, or political affiliation... have awoken a sleeping giant within. People around the world are refusing to be ruled by conditionings or outdated beliefs that insult the soul. Everyone is awakening to the truth that there is something divine within themselves, and no one outside of themselves will honor it until they do. I can not honor in you what I refuse to see within myself. 

Relationships of all kinds have been based on the idea that one completes the other, or two halves of a whole... implying that one without the other is not enough, that their worth or value is somehow diminished as a result of being "without" another. Even in jobs, and wider family relationships where an individual is seen as some separate part of an imagined whole, and therefore must comply to the overall dictates of the "head" of the "whole". Everyone has their bit part to play. And without that person acquiescing to their assigned role, the whole thing falls apart... so we are bullied into rescuing everyone and everything. We cant see how this in fact feeds the implication that we and they are not enough on our/their own. Hence, we have created and perpetuated victims. 

There is a great shift taking place at this moment. A shift away from the victim/bully/rescuer cycle that was created as a means by which to fully explore the capacity to which we could experience ourselves separate from not only each other, but God (Source/Creator). There is no judgment in that. It is perfect. But WE are done with that game now. As a collective we wish to once again experience ourselves as WHOLE; both individually and collectively. We no longer wish to create imagined enemies, for we understand that in order to see another as an enemy we have to first experience that anger and hatred towards ourself. The energy is unpleasant and we realize it creates DIS-ease within ourselves and our highest preference is for peace and ease. 

What does any of this have to do with our love relationships at this time? Well in short everything. As the old masculine (not necessarily "male") paradigm of fear and control, lack and need, falls apart... we as a collective recognize that we dont want to go BACK to the days where everything was matriarchal either... we are seeking balance... we are seeking freedom... we are creating a space for wholeness... for expression as it is... we are pushing for a new way, a higher way, one that celebrates all that every being is; in whatever way he/she wish to be. We are seeking to live beyond boundaries, from our heart, from our joy, from the absolute highest expression of ourselves that we can possibly find. 

It isnt good enough to be of service any more, but we must be in celebration and FEEL celebrated... we must be in freedom and FEEL FREE... me must act in joy and FEEL joyful. Duty to and commitment to... just arent good enough reasons to remain in a situation any longer. Our souls seek to dance and expand. Our souls recognize the eternal nature of all things and that every situation is temporary... the question to ask is, if you knew everything was perfect and that there was nothing to lose by living your highest dreams what would you do now? 

At this moment ALL contracts, vows and bonds are being nullified, broken, resolved. SO many of us came into this lifetime for the sole/soul purpose of tying up loose ends from past lives... it is done. It is over. It is safe to let it go. 

I think so many are tired of being the people we have been.  And in order to step fully into our NEW BE-ing we have to let go of whatever no longer supports and celebrates that. And it hurts because some of these people, environments and beliefs have been so kind to us when we were needy. They gave us exactly what was required for us to get it all out of our systems. Often these people and situations were carry overs from previous lives and now it is cleared, we are free to let it all go. And all returns to the clean slate. A perfect state of allowing what is. Love. It is like the end of a play on stage... all the actors the baddies and the goodies come out at the end and all are viewed equally as having played their role perfectly. They take their bows and backstage they all are friends no heroes and villains no victims or bullies, just friends... and they all go back to their respective homes... happy and content with the great fun they had. 

And as we are open to interactions that reflect our bliss... love-ships, heart-ships, blissships are created.... By definition in order to have a "relationship" you need to RELATE... which implies seeing another as separate from yourself, who exists independently to you. In order for this  relating to occur.. there must by definition be conflict, difference, so as to find a place to meet at, to find a point of relating... 

 I realized the other day as other clients were talking of sudden breakdowns and breakups that this is rather a collective masculine (not necessarily "male") way of DO-ing... and it is no longer working for the world, and things are breaking down so that they can be made new. It is like there is an impending rebirth. In stepping into love from a place of freedom, celebration and joy... we have stepped into the darken room... and if feels as if our hearts have been broken open... and as we bare our chest in agony... we see that the broken heart has revealed our light within, and we see all around us all we have ever needed... and desired... just obscured in the darkness of our fears and conditioned minds... bliss is just beyond the broken. 

When it comes down to it... when we let it all go, we have space to let it all in... 

Blessings,

Jenn

Know thyself... Heal thyself

So often we start from the premise that we "know" who we are. My name is Jenn, I am a mother, I am a wife, I am a daughter, I like chocolate, I am a vegetarian, I am a healer, I have blonde-ish hair, it is very thin. I love to sing. We assume that our basic characteristics define us, we place ourselves in boxes as we are conditioned to believe that these things are unchanging, and therefore say to the world "who we really are".  But I challenge that... who we are conditioned to believe we really are is constantly changing. It is never the same from one moment to the next. Lets explore this a bit... Could it be our conditioning is actually what is found in the word... BE-LIE-f?

I havent always been a mother... this is only a recent phenomenon... Really recent in fact. Sure I had my son when I was 30 (11 years ago), but I dont actually think I embraced the role of mother until about 6 years ago... before then I cared for him (he never went hungry or naked or without hugs and kisses and bedtime stories), but I was so unsure of who I was in relationship TO him, that I looked for every kind of distraction possible to run from the fear of being found out I didnt have a clue what I was doing! I have come now finally to accept the fact that parenting by definition comes with some insecurity, as we are changing in every moment so are our kids... just because they loved Teletubbies when they were 2 does NOT mean they will appreciate the purple dino's song when they are 10 and you are picking them up from school. Can you imagine the horror? But we are conditioned to believe that things stay the same, that we should stay the same that our relationships should stay the same, so we seek to make them our friends so that we feel close to them, we seek to never ever upset them because we are conditioned again to believe that there is no security in love, and that relationships are fragile and temporary. We hold back our truth, even if we know it is the only way to sanity, because we are afraid our children will stop loving us. We feel that maybe we were maladjusted because of our parents behavior, so we try to do better, we read every parenting book and join every website with the best and latest advice, and we push away our truths... It is what it is until it isnt.

I have always been someone's daughter, but what has that meant? Was it my responsibility to look after their emotional needs, was I here to make THEM happy? What could I possibly do to earn their approval and love? Was being smart the best way? Or perfectly behaved? What about marrying the "right" person or choosing the "right" career? Did they love my brother more than me? What did it mean if they didnt love me, or approve of me, or appreciate me? Who was I in this dynamic? What did it say about ME? Was I generally unworthy if I didnt have my emotional needs met in the way *I* needed them to be met? Were the presents and gifts attempts to quantify their love for me? Was their attempt to be my friend or foe, an attempt to try and manipulate me into again being who they thought I should be? Was their love for me so fragile?  I know it sounds ridiculous on paper, but is it really? We relate to the world through our interpretation of God/Source/Creator. Our first real experience of this was in infancy when we were totally dependant on another for our survival. If all of our needs were met and we felt secure we knew that the world was a safe and loving place to be, if not, well, it could be down right frightening. Now as we grew, we may have had experiences that challenged those primary beliefs, and thus our understanding of our world and who we were in relation to it changed as well. We may have done something like leave a religion that traditionally our family held on to, and in their disappointment pushed us away. Or married someone they didnt approve of, or a myriad of other things... We may not have understood that their pushing away was a reflection of THEIR insecurities...

I could go on... how we change our desires and beliefs a million times throughout our life, but yet we have a sense that there is something fundamentally central and core to our being... something that indeed stretches beyond all relationships, all jobs, all roles, all beliefs and feelings... there is something an essence or what I will call soul... that resides somewhere in us and at the same time in GOD, or source creator. Something that is as unchanging as love itself. To be clear our experience of love changes, but the love the energy and essence of love is love.

When we understand that who we really are is love, and is loved, our paradigm begins to shift. We see that we are the creators of our experience SO THAT we can know what it is to change and grow. We can see all the relationships in our lives reflecting our own selves... silently whispering lessons that we long to learn, heal experiences that we have misunderstood. No relationship no matter how brief is insignificant. The lady with the crying kid in front of you in the grocery store, is an opportunity for us to give love, or reflect on the crying baby within us all, questioning what need are we seeking to have fulfilled in this moment, are we somewhere in our life crying out to be heard. Is there a truth we want to speak but are afraid of standing in our power. Are we afraid that those around us may not recognize us and therefore not like us if we speak or live our truth? But here is the thing... when we refuse to live OUR truth, we are saying to everyone around us that they do not have permission to live THEIR truth. WOW!!! Lets look at that... when we look to our hearts and reflect on what our soul truth is (in love) and then we refuse to live it out of fear, we say to our children, "dont follow your dreams because it may hurt someone", "Be what is ok  and safe in the world, if you have a passion, keep it to yourself." "Dont rock the boat." You see the way we support and offer love to ourselves is the only thing we can offer others. We may say the right words, but people respond and feel our truth in our actions.

As we allow ourselves the gifts of honesty, we allow others to be honest with themselves too. Yes there may be some hurt feelings, but like I have observed in some relationships would I prefer to have relationships built on conditioned response and white lies that can be controlling or manipulative or would I prefer relationships based in transparency? I know what I prefer, but there are those who would prefer the superficial stuff because the real raw connection is scary... I can understand that, but it makes healing oneself... nigh on impossible. Because ALL illness is created from this disconnection with soulself... and that connection can only be made in clear heart wide open transparency.

What if we were more than a collection of learned patterns and beliefs? What if who we are extended beyond this lifetime or any lifetime? What if who we are was infinite and ever changing? What if who were are is known only in the unknowing, only in the constant questioning and redefinition? What if the limitations we experience or place upon ourselves werent even necessarily from this lifetime? What if in shining a light on all that we are, even the bits we dont like, we were free to BE well and whole. After all by definition we can not be "WHOLE" and cut off bits we think others wont like. It is only in embracing the shadow, shining a light on our fears and conditioned limiting beliefs about ourselves that we can heal ourselves. We are so much more than we have imagined ourselves to be... who are we to play small or expect another to?

It is as we accept and allow ALL that we are and ever have been and yet will be, that we heal ourselves, we return to the wholeness and innocence that we are. And as we heal ourselves we allow those around us to heal as well... so in essence when we heal ourselves we heal the world.

We are each moving from the darkness of thousands of years of limiting beliefs into the light of change... into the light of knowing we can not ever fix our knowing in one place in time or space, for everything is in constant flow... and all we are asked to do is let go...  Come on in the water's fine!!! And away we float on the waves of love... and light...

Blessings,
Jenn